Finance World

Episode 21: The Weight of Being the First Earner in a Family

Series: Broken by Burden: Financial Survival Strategies for the Troubled Mind

Date: 07 July 2025

🎓 “They call me the pride of the family. But some days, it feels like a prison.”

Ashutosh, a 28-year-old software engineer from a small village near Siliguri, broke through generations of hardship. He was the first to study beyond Class 10, the first to own a laptop, and the first to work in a glass building in Bengaluru with air-conditioning and cafeteria lunches.

Back home, he was a hero.

But soon, it wasn’t just phone calls of pride he received — it was requests:

  • “Beta, your cousin needs fees.”
  • “Can you pay for uncle’s treatment?”
  • “Your sister’s wedding expenses are pending…”

Each time, he said yes. Because how could he say no?

After all, he made it. They didn’t.

He paid and paid.
And in the process, he postponed his dreams, compromised his health, and lost his peace.

🧠 The Invisible Pressure of Being “The One Who Made It”

Being the first earner comes with:

  • Pride, yes.
  • Gratitude, certainly.
  • But also:
    • Guilt when saying “no”
    • Fear of being labeled selfish
    • Exhaustion from being the fallback for everyone
    • Frustration when others don’t try to improve
    • Emotional burnout from juggling expectations

You become the family ATM, but no one asks if you’re okay.

🔍 The Cultural Layer

In many Indian homes (and globally in collectivist societies), success is not personal — it is communal.

Which means:

  • You don’t earn just for yourself — you earn for your whole clan.
  • Boundaries are mistaken as betrayal.
  • Emotional blackmail is disguised as love.

And the first earner ends up sacrificing their financial future to fix everyone’s present problems.

💡 How to Carry the Responsibility Without Breaking

1. Create a family fund — but with a cap.

Budget how much of your monthly income can sustainably go toward family help. If it’s ₹5,000, don’t stretch to ₹10,000 out of guilt.

2. Say no without shame.

Try: “I want to help, but this month I have to handle my own commitments.” You are not disrespecting them — you’re protecting yourself.

3. Prioritize your emergency fund and retirement.

If you burn out financially now, who will they depend on later?

4. Educate your family, don’t just enable them.

Support them in becoming self-reliant:

  • Help them start small businesses
  • Encourage skill-building
  • Push younger cousins or siblings to study smart

5. Protect your dreams.

You didn’t break cycles just to become a machine. You deserve a life that includes rest, joy, and self-respect.

🌱 Ashutosh’s Shift

After a mini panic attack during a Zoom call, Ashutosh finally sought therapy. He began journaling his triggers and reshaped his mindset.

Now, he contributes to family support through a fixed budget — no more random transfers.

He’s helped his sister start a tailoring shop. He’s paying his own EMIs on time. And for the first time, he booked a solo trip — something he never thought he was allowed to do.

His new motto: “I’ll carry my people — but not lose myself doing it.”

💬 If You’re “The First” in Your Family…

You are a bridge — not a burden-bearer.
Your success was meant to liberate, not enslave.

Help where you can.
Say no when you must.
And remember: you deserve to thrive — not just survive.

🔜 Next Episode Teaser:

Episode 23: Children of Financial Chaos — Breaking the Generational Silence
In the next episode, we’ll explore how growing up in unstable financial environments affects children’s sense of safety, confidence, and self-worth — and how adult survivors of such chaos can begin healing their inner financial wounds.

Disclaimer:
This blog series is intended for informational, motivational, and emotional support purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional financial, legal, or mental health advice. If you or someone you know is experiencing overwhelming financial stress, mental health issues, or suicidal thoughts, please seek help from a certified financial advisor, counsellor, or licensed therapist. If you are in immediate danger or crisis, contact a mental health helpline or emergency service in your area.

The stories presented here are inspired by real experiences but may be anonymized or adapted for narrative clarity. Readers are encouraged to make decisions based on their unique circumstances and to consult appropriate professionals. The author and publisher disclaim any responsibility for actions taken based on this content.

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