Episode 40: The Cost of Keeping Up Appearances — Social Pressure and Unnecessary Debt
Series: Broken by Burden: Financial Survival Strategies for the Troubled Mind
Date: 28 July 2025
🎭 “We couldn’t really afford it — but what would people say if we didn’t do it?”
Pushpa still remembers the night before her daughter’s wedding.
The decorators demanded extra payment. The caterers asked for an upgrade because “everyone expects it.” The local relatives whispered, “It must look grand — it’s your only daughter!”
So Pushpa and her husband said yes.
They borrowed money from a local lender at high interest. They used credit cards they knew they couldn’t clear for years.
The wedding was beautiful — the photos, the compliments, the pride.
But when the guests left, the loans stayed.
And every month since then, Pushpa has skipped her medicines, adjusted grocery budgets, and pawned small gold pieces just to pay interest.
All because “What will people say?” felt heavier than “What can we actually manage?”
👀 The Trap of Social Comparison
In many communities — especially in India — social pressure is woven into every milestone:
- Weddings must look grander than the neighbour’s.
- A new car, even if a loan, becomes proof you’re “doing well.”
- Birthdays, anniversaries, housewarming — each must be Instagram-worthy.
But behind the photos:
- Savings get emptied.
- Debts pile up.
- And the quiet shame grows: “I’m paying for things that don’t feed me — they feed others’ opinions.”
🧠 Why It’s So Hard to Say No
- We crave respect and fear gossip.
- We don’t want elders to feel ashamed in front of society.
- We want our children to feel “equal” to their richer friends.
- We mistake spending with status — and status with security.
The truth? Status doesn’t pay EMIs.
⚡ The Emotional Fallout
- Resentment toward family who demanded it
- Anxiety when debt collectors call
- Shame that you can’t talk about — because “you chose it”
- Pressure to repeat the pattern at the next event
And so, generations keep sacrificing financial sanity for social signals.
💡 How to Break the “Show-Off Debt” Cycle
✅ 1. Be brutally honest about limits
Decide in advance: “This is my real budget. Not a rupee more.”
Write it down. Commit.
✅ 2. Communicate with courage
When people push: “Let’s do a bigger venue / more catering / designer clothes…” — say:
“We’re keeping it simple. Blessings matter more than spending.”
Most will gossip briefly — then forget.
✅ 3. Offer meaningful alternatives
You can make a ceremony beautiful through:
- Genuine hospitality
- Thoughtful gestures
- Memorable photos within budget
Kindness shines brighter than borrowed gold.
✅ 4. Normalize low-key celebrations
Talk about it openly with younger family. Model pride in simple choices — so they don’t repeat the trap.
✅ 5. Celebrate within your reality, not someone else’s fantasy
If you can’t afford a new car yet, keep your old one. If you can’t afford a foreign trip, enjoy a local getaway. Your memories belong to you — not your neighbors.
🌱 Pushpa’s Small Victory
Pushpa still pays off that wedding loan. But for her son’s upcoming engagement, she drew a clear line:
“We’ll do it at home. Close family only. No big show, no extra loans. If you love us, you’ll bless us as we are.”
Some relatives rolled their eyes.
Most respected her honesty.
Her son hugged her and said, “Thank you, Ma. We want peace — not praise.”
💬 If You Feel Pressured to “Keep Up”…
Please remember:
Those who gossip won’t pay your bills.
Those who judge won’t save you when interest piles up.
Live quietly. Celebrate wisely.
Your dignity is worth more than a debt that outlives the applause.
Episode 41: Job Loss Shame — When Losing Work Feels Like Losing Worth
In the next episode, we’ll explore how sudden unemployment shatters not just income, but identity — and how to rebuild confidence when the world sees you as “jobless.”
⚠️ Disclaimer:
This blog series is intended for informational, motivational, and emotional support purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional financial, legal, or mental health advice. If you or someone you know is experiencing overwhelming financial stress, mental health issues, or suicidal thoughts, please seek help from a certified financial advisor, counselor, or licensed therapist. If you are in immediate danger or crisis, contact a mental health helpline or emergency service in your area.
The stories presented here are inspired by real experiences but may be anonymized or adapted for narrative clarity. Readers are encouraged to make decisions based on their unique circumstances and to consult appropriate professionals. The author and publisher disclaim any responsibility for actions taken based on this content.
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